"The problems at the hospital reflect a lack of leadership"

Secretary of the Army Francis Harvey resigns. In response to the issues at Walter Reed, the Army is indeed cleaning house. And unlike the Abu Ghraib situation, they are hitting the top early.

While accountability and new leadership can be a good thing, I'd like to know more. I want to know how they intend to fix these issues, especially considering the already stretched budget. But I guess the Pentagon is currently more interested in looking like their addressing the problem than actually addressing it. SNAFU at its finest.

And here's me hoping for Norm.

John Ratzenberger, a.k.a. Cliff Claven and animated character voice extraordinaire, is stepping in for Big Pussy on "Dancing with the Stars."

I'm calling his win right now.

I love Bill Maher.

His new rules are posted up at Salon. This week's is about the HPV vaccine. My favorite part:

And yet, Sen. Tom Coburn of Oklahoma is another one who's anti-vaccine. He thinks if a teenage girl feels a little prick, she's gonna want to feel a whole lot more. But HPV shots don't cause promiscuity. Tequila shots do. Everything your kids buy is sold to them with sex. The vaccine doesn't make them want to screw: MTV does. And hormones. And having moron parents they want to escape from. Hey, when you're 15 years old, breathing encourages sexual activity.

Panacea.

So the Army is firing folks again. I suppose it's a nice diversion from the real problem which is that the Army just doesn't have enough money and what it does have is going towards nice new gym equipment and DVD players downrange. Everyone loves a scapegoat.

Eh. Don't get me started.

Things that made me cry today.

1. My son kicking me in the eye HARD while I was trying to wrestle him into his pants.
2. The last few pages of "The Remains of the Day."
3. Bob Woodruff and his wife, Lee, on television.
4. The Sesame Street Talk*Listen*Connect DVD about deployment. I mean, being forced to watch Elmo day in and day out usually makes me want to cry but this DVD had all of these kids drawing pictures for their deployed parents and it really got to me.

Yeah, definitely time for an intervention.

Some people have *way* too much time on their hands.

Meet Tooth Tunes, a toothbrush that plays music in your mouth as you brush. And the more pressure on the brush, the louder the music gets. You can choose such favorites as Hillary Duff or the Village People (as if you weren't having enough trouble getting that shit out of your head as it is).

Who comes up with this crap? Seriously?! And who pays them to do it?

I really want to know because I have this fabulous idea for a toilet with a table top for crossword puzzles.

Conversation with SGT Crankypants.

"She's just a bitch."

"That's nice. Tell me how you really feel."

"Just one of these women whose biological clocks are ticking so frickin' fast they can't see straight."

"Did you see the article in the NY Times about how men have a biological clock, too?"

"No, and I don't want to. It's just nonsense, pure and simple. Propaganda to make you women feel better about your uteruses drying up and make us feel bad for not giving a shit."

The stuff dreams are made of.

Maxim.com has done a list of the hottest Nerd crushes of all time. Not surprisingly, Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia tops the list followed closely by Agent Scully. Yeah, I know I should mention her real name, but what's the point? To all those geeky boys out there -- and to me, the girl who had to listen to them all wax poetic about how hot this X-Files chick was -- she'll always be just plain ol' Dana.

Of course, Maxim forgot two key girls on this list: the-popular-girl-who-let-me-do-her-homework-for-her and the-girl-who-got-drunk-enough-to-let-me-feel-her-boobies-at-band-camp.

Why I love the Onion.

"Boundless Imagination, Boundless Hazards: Ways To Keep Your Kids Safe From A World Of Wonder."

(And, is it just me, or is the fact that CNN feels it necessary to add an editor's note that it's not real news just hilarious?)

Don't lawmakers consider far-reaching implications anymore?

The Brooklyn Supreme Court has decided that a 7 year old girl can successfully sue for injuries she received in utero. But the presiding judge doesn't think it will have an impact on abortion.

Question here: if the injury was caused to the pregnant mother, why can't she sue? What possible legal advantage is there for having the daughter sue?

What's in your pants?

We need to stop endlessly repeating 'You're special'

An interesting article on CNN about narcissism and vanity being on the rise. Given Idiotina and her ilk, they may have a point.

Like we didn't know this?

An AP article today talks about a classified report that states that the U.S. military, taxed by its commitments in Iraq and Afghanistan, is less able to quickly and effectively respond to any new threats.

Note: This is not a top headline on CNN this morning. Stories about Anna Nicole have taken hold again.

But seriously, with the sheer number of Soldiers deployed, I'm not sure why this is such a surprise. The Vice President argues that with these deployments we are keeping the fight out of country but how long can we really count on that?

Interesting times, my friends, we live in interesting times.

Bob Woodruff's New Book

Some of you may remember Bob Woodruff, the ABC World News Tonight correspondent who was hit by a bomb in Iraq and retained, among other wounds a traumatic brain injury. Woodruff survived and has made a miraculous recovery, however, there is still a rough road ahead of him.

Woodruff has a book out entitled, "In An Instant," which chronicles his life and his recovery. There is a lot of talk about whether the press has any business being over there, and that's all well and good. But I think that Woodruff has some interesting insights and perspective that we can all learn from. And on top of that, the proceeds are going towards the medical expenses of Soldiers and Marines with traumatic brain injuries.

You can also see Woodruff as he makes a series of television appearances in the coming weeks including stints on Oprah, Jon Stewart's Daily Show, Larry King and Ellen. Check it out.

Love and marriage.

*thppppppppppppppppbt*

"Ew. Was that you, Dick?"

"You know, normally I'd blame the boy but that one was so loud and so smelly that I have to take credit for myself. I am as proud of that fart as I am of anything I've created. That right there is art, baby, take a big whiff."

Ahhh, the joys of marriage.

Go, Marty, Go!

Martin Scorcese won the coveted Oscar for his film, the Departed.

Finally!

The rest of the winners were fairly predictable. The one upset was Alan Arkin winning over Eddie Murphy for Best Supporting Actor. But, honestly? I think Alan Arkin did a bang-up job in Little Miss Sunshine and Eddie has taken home more than his fair share of awards this season.

Off the frickin' wall.

In a seriously trippy piece of news -- and another one for the why is this a top headline file -- apparently Strom Thurmond's ancestors owned the Reverend Al Sharpton's forefathers.

I can't help but wonder what would have been done with this information if it had been uncovered while Thurmond was still alive. It would be like a Senate "As the World Turns" storyline.

Clark, the Canadian Hockey Goalie

Important Philosophical Questions

"NE, how does Elmo go potty when he doesn't even have a butt?"

That's what I get for letting my friend's kids watch the Elmo Potty Time DVD with Munchkin. I don't even know how to begin to answer that one. Guess I should be glad that they didn't notice that he doesn't have a penis.

Britney makes Time Magazine.

Time magazine has published an article about how Britney-bashing has started to fade. Though I agree with many of the finer points -- mainly how this stopped being funny around the time Britney last showed her lady garden to the world -- they missed the bigger point for me.

That we're all so interested that the media would stoop to photographing her in a treatment center. That when we can't follow her antics, we'll talk about how they're not funny anymore. That this is all still headline news.