To the creators of the Elmo deployment video...

Would it be too much to say both "thank you" and "fuck you" at the same time?

(I don't mean to seem so ungrateful but, goddamn, by the thirtieth viewing of the day, I start to hate that little red monster with a fierce passion).

Make mine chunky.

So Munchkin has picked up one of those summer illnesses. And honestly, hanging out at home (out of this unfamiliar sunshine and heat!) wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't a pukey sickness. To date, Munchkin has hurled on:

His bed.
My bed.
The guest bed.
The couch.
CPT Dick's car (lucky for me, I took that one to ferry Munchkin to the pediatrician, no?)
The pediatrician's examining table
My laundry chair
underneath his bedside table
and, of course, me, several times.

(But never once the toilet, no matter how hard I tried to get him there).

They were right about parenthood being an adventure. I just didn't expect the day-to-day of it to require so much Swiffering.

Reasons I should not go shopping while having my period.

1. Forgot the carrots for the Japanese curry rice.
2. Was somewhat grossed out by all of the chicken in the poultry case.
   
3. Took advantage of the $1/bag sale on Doritos.
4. Found myself with a case of Snack Packs left over from the case lot sale.

(Make that half a case now).

He was high, right?

'Cause I'm just not sure I can come up with any other explanation.

(And you know, I'm really kind of wondering what Oasis thought of the rendition).