Oh, boy.

As it turns out, nothing is as fluid as a military training schedule. The days the guys will leave, how long they'll stay, what they'll do and when they'll return is always in flux. I don't like it but I've sort of learned to go with it. I've learned to basically mark my husband as unavailable for the three month period around any 4-6 week training exercise.

But somehow, even after so many goddamn years in the military, my husband isn't quite so smart.

He invited his parents to come visit this spring. And he did so close enough to the training exercise that he will now not be here for even a single day while they are here. He keeps saying that the schedule could change again but he's kidding himself now. Sure, it's possible but he's jinxed himself now. He's afraid to tell his mother that there's no chance in hell that he'll be here. One, because she's kind of scary. Two, because he's a chickenshit.

But I did tell them. Well, I mentioned the likelihood to CPT Dick's Dad, anyway. Needless to say, they are not thrilled. First, they haven't seen CPT Dick in several years. Second, they -- and by they, I mean his mother -- does not like me. I've got their grandson, which at least gives me some type of bargaining tool. But I'm preparing for a thoroughly unpleasant visit.

A week with the in-laws. A week of discussions of how I am not raising their grandson correctly. A week of thinly veiled insults about my weight. A week of my mother-in-law taking any comment that I say -- like, can you please pass the salt? -- as a personal affront. A week of being quietly reminded that their son could have done much better than me. A week of completely inane comments about the war and how I should convince CPT Dick to resign his commission.

Oh, golly gee, I cannot wait!

Things that brought tears to my eyes today.

1. Slipping on a children's book on the floor and slamming my shin into the coffee table.
2. Tweezing my eyebrows.
3. Munchkin running over to me and giving me a kiss.
4. "You've Got Mail."

What he really means.

"I think we should stop buying frozen stuff. You know, pizzas and stuff like that."

"What?"

"I think we need to eat healthier. Let's cut back on the frozen stuff. We should cook more."

"How do you see that working, exactly?"

"What do you mean? What I said. We should cook more. What's not to understand?"

"But what you're really saying is that I should cook more."

Sheepish look. "Ummm...I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it might incriminate me."

Do you know "Guy Love"?

Scrubs is hilarious. 'Nuff said.



(If the link doesn't work, check out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GF6rSGfUdyg)

It would be funny if it weren't so damn sad.

Who thinks that "french polymer" is going to firm up their ass? Honestly, people!

http://www.cnn.com/2007/LAW/01/18/cornoil.sentence.ap/index.html

Our generation's "Fatal Attraction."

Thanks to my beloved Netflix, I recently saw "Hard Candy." And man, if it didn't scare the bejesus out of me.

In a day and age where parents are more interested in suing MySpace than finding out that their little girls are posting nudie shots on the Web, this movie is a must-see. And for those guys who take the adage "if the field has grass, play ball" as a personal motto, I have one thing to say to you: be afraid, be very afraid.

Taking bets now.

Reality TV takes an interesting sociological twist. Forget shows where Mom takes off for the weekend and they film Dad trying to figure out how to manage his home and children (and usually gets some help from a nice female relative or neighbor). Paperny Films is scouting locations for its show "A Week Without Women," which will remove every single last woman from a town and see how fast it takes for domestic (and public) anarchy to take hold.

It's going to be broadcast on the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) and I may have to find a way to tune in. I think we could take a pool to see how long before one of the men cries like a little girl when he can't figure out how to nuke himself a frozen burrito.

Always one more thing.

Many have opinions about the various military agencies. It would be easy to say that they all suck, but the truth is they are only as good as the people that work at them. And those employees -- often civilian contractors, often military spouses -- vary in their abilities, their knowledge, and most importantly, their compassion.

But the one thing that drives me nuts about all of them is the fact that they can't get their damn story straight. I had a small errand to run today. I just had to re-enroll my son in the daycare program. You have to do this once a year. And so before I went down there, I called and asked what I should bring. I was told I needed two, and only two, things: a shot record and a check. But of course, once I get up, wrestle my son into the car seat, drive us, kicking and screaming, to the office, wait for 45 minutes until they can see me, I find that they do not just need those simple things. Oh no. They need those and at least three others.

I'd like to say that this is a one thing kind of thing. But it's not. It seems that every agency I must interact with is always giving misinformation over the phone. I suppose I should just get used to it. I do know some ladies who just bring every piece of paper the military has ever stamped with them on every visit to any agency. They all are growing humps on their back from the effort but it's not a stupid strategy. I just can't seem to let myself get to that point yet. I mean, hello, these are agencies that are supposed to be providing me with services. How hard can it be?

And here are where those good employees come in. The ones I dealt with today realized their error and did their best to help me remedy it without having to go home and come back again. I was grateful. That doesn't happen all that often. If only more could be like them.

And if only some more of those people could answer the damn phone.

Maybe simple math isn't so simple.

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/world/AP-US-Afghanistan.html

I don't doubt that more boots on the ground will help in Afghanistan, but where does Gates think they are going to find more soldiers, exactly?

My favorite headline of the week.

Castro Reportedly Did Not Want Colostomy

Ummm, not to be totally insensitive, but does anyone really want a colostomy? But whatever. I'm just amazed that total conjecture on this man's health remains news. I think Castro died a few years ago and his PR machine has managed not to let the news leak yet.