Saturday, February 06, 2010

When they decided on the word "dependent," they were being literal as hell.

Seriously.

I'm in the stage now where I'm considering a future without MAJ Dick. And as I'm a practical person, I can't help but think about the money/insurance/nitty gritty details. That's just how I roll - I want all the information I can get before I make a decision. Emotions matter but it's logic and planning that get you round the bend, you know?

But man, the Army don't make it easy. I ask a lot of questions and most often hear "your sponsor needs to..." or "your sponsor can..." Well, er, I'm asking because my sponsor may not be in the picture any longer - so "my sponsor needs to" isn't exactly a comfort.

I gave up a good, solid career to be a military wife and mother. I'd like to say that I can walk away from this marriage and not have to ask for a thing. Since I'm a fairly prideful person, in my dreams, that's exactly how it works. But unfortunately, that's not an option - mostly because I have a child I need to provide for. And the idea of relying on a man who can't even remember to put the seat down to take care of us after I've committed what, in his eyes, is the biggest act of betrayal ever scares the crap out of me.

I can see why so many women stay in really bad military marriages. If you thought inprocessing into the military system was a mystery, just try to ask a few questions about getting out of it. It boggles the mind...

4 comments:

liberal army wife said...

I do hate to say it, but get a damned good lawyer. don't forget, for the kid, he'll be obligated UNDER LAW to provide medical insurance and your lawyer should get good child support in the agreement; and make sure that it's automatically taken out of his pay! You are right, getting OUT of a marriage in the military is awfully hard. getting back to being the breadwinner, after taking the mandatory break due to moves - awefully hard. I'm putting together some info for the Congressional Caucus, shall we talk? email me!

dutchgirl (Ellen) said...

When I think of all the times that I have felt powerless in facing the Army system, even with a "sponsor" who is looking out for my best interest... it scares the crap out of me to think of what it would be like if he didn't care. I would hope that in the end MAJ Dick would try to do the right thing by his child, at least... but hope is scary to rely on.

toodydolly said...

taking the first steps is always important and researching those fist steps too. While you don't want anything from him now and want to do it all on your own, it truly isn't a good idea. you should get all that both you and your son are entitled to, because you never know what could happen. Depending on how long you and Major Dick have been married you are entitled to a porition of his retirement and disability, whcih you can use to send the son to school. MAJ Dick support increase shhould MAJ Dick be getting any addtional hazard pay. MAJ Dick should also be required to pay for insurance for your son, make sure its tri-care prime, no excuses.it should also be noted in any arrangmeent for support that Now should you choose to return to the US, you'll have to be flexible when it comes to custody arrangement because we all know nothing is set in stone when arranging visitations. make sure any custody arrangment says you have permanent physical custody b/c if it just says joint custyd that is a whole mess of worms later on. best of luck. keep writing its cathartic.

maggie said...

hi, i just found your blog (on Liberal Army Wife's site actually) and i wanted to say that i hope you keep writing. i know some other women who have travelled the path that you are on, and i dont know if there is anyone out there blogging for and about soon-to-be ex-military spouses. i imagine that it is a bewildering and frightening path to be on, and some company and mutual bitching would be therpeutic for all.
anyway, i wish you luck and courage and strength, you will need a bunch of all three, huh?
sincerely,
another military wife