We are spending the holidays halfsies. But it was a fight to get him to agree and I'm still not sure if he did because he recognized I was right or he just wanted me to shut up.
But little victories...
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Sometimes it's the little things...
...that make everything seem all right with the world.
- A ripe pear, fresh out of the fridge.
- My son's laughter as he barrels down the big-boy slide.
- The smell of honeysuckle.
- An unexpected letter from an old friend.
- The melodic tapping of rain on the roof.
- A shipment of cute tops (that actually fit right!) from OldNavy.com.
What little things are working for you today?
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
How much is enough?
After my big fight with CPT Dick, I spent the afternoon venting to a few friends. And what I thought would be a one-sided conversation soon turned into a lot of commiseration and a serious discussion.
As military spouses, we're often told that we chose this life. We must accept it. And yes, to a certain extent, that is true. We have to accept our husbands' commitment to their jobs, frequent and long deployments and the laundering of piles and piles of funky brown t-shirts. But what, within a marriage must we accept in the name of supporting our husband?
CPT Dick often reminds me that he's deploying. Usually, when he wants me to do something he doesn't want to do. This is how he got me to take the FRG, among other things. But now he's pushing it. He wants to use it to only go back to see the people he wants to at Christmas. He wants to use it to get out of doing things around the house. And he'll even use it to try to convince me to try for that second baby now. And worse, the pressures of his new job have him treating me like one of his soldiers. Trying to lay down the law with no discussion.
And frankly, I'm getting sick of it.
He chose to PCS here because he wanted a command in combat. I supported that. But I start to wonder why when he uses this job as a reason not to be an active participant in this family. To try to use it to get out of things like obligations to my family or even taking out the trash. And I begin to really resent it when it involves him skipping out on obligations to me like watching our son so I can get some work done.
So what do you think, readers? How much is too much? In exchange for a military career and a long deployment, should we be giving in to all of our spouses' wants and demands, no matter how ridiculous?
I'd really like to hear what you think.
As military spouses, we're often told that we chose this life. We must accept it. And yes, to a certain extent, that is true. We have to accept our husbands' commitment to their jobs, frequent and long deployments and the laundering of piles and piles of funky brown t-shirts. But what, within a marriage must we accept in the name of supporting our husband?
CPT Dick often reminds me that he's deploying. Usually, when he wants me to do something he doesn't want to do. This is how he got me to take the FRG, among other things. But now he's pushing it. He wants to use it to only go back to see the people he wants to at Christmas. He wants to use it to get out of doing things around the house. And he'll even use it to try to convince me to try for that second baby now. And worse, the pressures of his new job have him treating me like one of his soldiers. Trying to lay down the law with no discussion.
And frankly, I'm getting sick of it.
He chose to PCS here because he wanted a command in combat. I supported that. But I start to wonder why when he uses this job as a reason not to be an active participant in this family. To try to use it to get out of things like obligations to my family or even taking out the trash. And I begin to really resent it when it involves him skipping out on obligations to me like watching our son so I can get some work done.
So what do you think, readers? How much is too much? In exchange for a military career and a long deployment, should we be giving in to all of our spouses' wants and demands, no matter how ridiculous?
I'd really like to hear what you think.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
I'm glad that someone still finds me cute but, umm, ick.
"Have you ever considered having an affair?"
"What a strange question. Do you mean like a real affair? Or just running off with Johnny Depp after watching Pirates of the Caribbean for the millionth time?"
"A real affair."
"Not really. Why would I?"
"I don't know. CPT Dick is gone so often."
"Yes, but there wasn't any specific contractual obligation for days at home in my marriage vows."
"True. But if you did ever consider an affair...I'd be happy to step up to the plate, if needed."
"Are you serious?"
"Do you want me to be?"
"No."
"What a strange question. Do you mean like a real affair? Or just running off with Johnny Depp after watching Pirates of the Caribbean for the millionth time?"
"A real affair."
"Not really. Why would I?"
"I don't know. CPT Dick is gone so often."
"Yes, but there wasn't any specific contractual obligation for days at home in my marriage vows."
"True. But if you did ever consider an affair...I'd be happy to step up to the plate, if needed."
"Are you serious?"
"Do you want me to be?"
"No."
Starting to climb out of the hole.
Three stories down. And technically, I would be done, but I've accepted three more.
I'll appreciate the money once it comes. But now I'm just wondering what the hell I was thinking. Guess I'm just a girl that c'ain't say no.
I'll appreciate the money once it comes. But now I'm just wondering what the hell I was thinking. Guess I'm just a girl that c'ain't say no.
And already, a fight.
CPT Dick hasn't been home a full 24 hours and we've already had a fight. A big one, at that.
Since his deployment was postponed, we have to make some decisions about where to spend Christmas. The plan was that we'd spend his block leave with his family before he left and then I'd spend Christmas with my family. But now that plan is all messed up.
He will get about 10 days of leave during the holidays. And so I figured it would make sense for us to spend half of it with his family and half with mine. We'd spend Christmas proper with his family in the Northeast and then drive down the coast, stopping at his grandmother's house for a long visit, to then spend the rest of the time with my family. When you have a kid, everyone wants a piece of you at the holidays. Last year, we managed to bypass it by just heading to the islands for a week alone as a family but we won't get away with it this year. As such, I figure halfsies is the best approach. That way, no one is offended, no one is hurt.
But he will not agree to this. Not, mind you, because he wants to spend all that time with his family. No, he gets antsy after a day or two. His mother drives him almost as insane as I. No, no. He wants to go home and spend quality time with his boys, leaving me and Munchkin to endure family time with his crazy mother.
To a certain extent, I don't begrudge him that desire. He will, after all, be heading to the sandbox for 15-18 months. I can see why he wants to get all footloose and fancy-free with his best friends. But my family, including many elderly relatives, wants to see us, too. They want to see him as most have not since our wedding more than half a decade ago. And they were already expecting Munchkin and I for the holidays. So I don't feel that I can rightly just show up for a day and then fly back to Europe.
But he won't even listen to that. He's feeding me a line of bullshit about how he has a duty to his family (which I see right through) and how he won't even consider anything but at least a week with his folks. And he's pulling that He-Man manly man crap that his word is final.
*sigh*
Oh, the joys of reintegration.
Since his deployment was postponed, we have to make some decisions about where to spend Christmas. The plan was that we'd spend his block leave with his family before he left and then I'd spend Christmas with my family. But now that plan is all messed up.
He will get about 10 days of leave during the holidays. And so I figured it would make sense for us to spend half of it with his family and half with mine. We'd spend Christmas proper with his family in the Northeast and then drive down the coast, stopping at his grandmother's house for a long visit, to then spend the rest of the time with my family. When you have a kid, everyone wants a piece of you at the holidays. Last year, we managed to bypass it by just heading to the islands for a week alone as a family but we won't get away with it this year. As such, I figure halfsies is the best approach. That way, no one is offended, no one is hurt.
But he will not agree to this. Not, mind you, because he wants to spend all that time with his family. No, he gets antsy after a day or two. His mother drives him almost as insane as I. No, no. He wants to go home and spend quality time with his boys, leaving me and Munchkin to endure family time with his crazy mother.
To a certain extent, I don't begrudge him that desire. He will, after all, be heading to the sandbox for 15-18 months. I can see why he wants to get all footloose and fancy-free with his best friends. But my family, including many elderly relatives, wants to see us, too. They want to see him as most have not since our wedding more than half a decade ago. And they were already expecting Munchkin and I for the holidays. So I don't feel that I can rightly just show up for a day and then fly back to Europe.
But he won't even listen to that. He's feeding me a line of bullshit about how he has a duty to his family (which I see right through) and how he won't even consider anything but at least a week with his folks. And he's pulling that He-Man manly man crap that his word is final.
*sigh*
Oh, the joys of reintegration.
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