Bonuses for Officers.

A few people have emailed to ask what I think of the Army's plan to offer bonuses to junior Officers to entice them to stay green. I've stayed fairly quiet on the matter for a few reasons. First, I'm sure I've said that the Army should do bonuses for a long time -- but it was mainly just as a way to decry the fact that they were offering such huge bonuses to Navy and Air Force Officers to cross over. Second, I don't think monetary compensation is going to work. In fact, I don't even think it's a good first step. Here's why:

1. Good Military Officers don't do it for the money. Most of them do it out of duty, patriotism and a belief that they need to serve.
2. Once they turn CPT, they can leave the service and get a signing bonus through Cameron Brooks or the Lucas Group at twice the amount of what the Army is offering. And oh yeah, an annual salary that puts their Army pay to shame.

Now, I do think that education programs are a good incentive. And it's too bad that the Army didn't have the foresight to think of that before they canceled the advanced civil schooling programs for several year groups. But here's the thing: with the mass Officer exodus, guys are deploying so often and being promoted so fast that there isn't that couple year down time between CPT and MAJ anymore. Most will not be able to take advantage of those degree programs.

It's a conundrum. On one hand, I do applaud the Army for finally deciding that Officers were worth keeping. But on the other, I really wish they'd look at the sample and come up with some kind of incentive plan that actually has the ability to make a difference.

And honestly, I believe all it would take is the Army keeping its day-to-day promises.

On noticing the important details in entertainment.

"Is this Shakira with Beyonce?"

"Yes."

"So, does Shakira ever do any songs by herself?"

"Yes, lots. In fact, she even had several albums before she crossed over where she sang all by herself."

"You sure? She had that hips song with Wyclef and then that other one with Horatio Sanz."

"You mean Alejandro Sanz?"

"Same difference."

"No, Horatio Sanz is the SNL guy who put pancakes down his pants in 'Road Trip.' Alejandro Sanz is a sexy Spanish singer with a gravelly voice."

"Those weren't pancakes. That was French Toast."

"Same difference."

"No, there is a really big difference between pancakes and French Toast, especially down the pants. Think texture."

Jeeeeerry, you have some 'splainin' to do.

The Reverend Jerry Falwell died yesterday. And I really have to wonder if the meeting with his Maker is going as well as he thought it would.

The glow of motherhood.

For Mother's Day, we went out to breakfast with some friends.

My one friend looked at me with some consternation and said,"I didn't know this was a super-dressy affair!"

I looked down at my jeans and blouse and said, "Um, it's not."

"But the girl who never wears make-up is wearing body glitter?"

"What are you talking about? I don't even own body glitter."

But she insisted I was sparkly. So I went to the bathroom to check myself out. I really don't own any body glitter. I didn't think my Mother's Day card had any sparklies on it. And I've certainly worked damn hard to avoid the crafting tables of my peers. So how could I be all a-glow?

When I caught my reflection in the mirror, and the tell-tale smear on my shoulder, it was all too clear what was causing my glittery appearance. My son's snotty nose. During a pseudo-tantrum before we left, he cried all over my shoulder, neck and left side of my face. Yum.

But I have to admit, it was quite fetching. I may never cruise the cosmetics aisle again.

So this explains why Felipe and I broke up.

A random Google search turned up this article:

Spaniards have sex more often than average but in less time.

Of course, with such a headline gracing the Barcelona Reporter, I had to read on. There are many funny statistics from a study that Durex did about sexual frequency and satisfaction.

And despite the fact that I'm happily married to CtLG, I do know what I'll be thinking next time I meet someone from Nigeria.