Saturday, February 03, 2007

I can't figure out whether this is really good or really bad.

David Lee Roth is re-uniting with Van Halen. Is this a real attempt to recapture some money or are they all just broke enough to put up with each other for one tour? I guess it remains to be seen.

I do admit I am so curious as to what Valerie Bertinelli thinks about Wolfie joining the band. Maybe I'll get lucky and she'll go on Oprah.

And just when I thought things couldn't get worse.

The Munchkin has learned to crawl out of his crib. Someone please lie and tell me that the transition to a toddler bed will be effortless.


Welcome to Duh-land.

Sometimes when I'm scanning the headlines on CNN, I wonder if maybe I didn't type in the URL for The Onion by mistake. Two particularly brilliant headlines this week:

Analysts: Iraq Success a Tough Road

Scientists: Humans 'very likely' cause global warning

Friday, February 02, 2007

My little boy's all grown up.

I don't know why everyone is so up in arms about these photos. I mean, who knew, but Harry's kind of hot! But so predictable, now church and children's groups are calling for Harry Potter boycotts. Yeah, that will stick, people, sure.

Especially since soon after, Scholastic has announced that the final book of the Harry Potter series, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" will be out on July 21 just a little over a week after "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" is out in theatres. I've already informed my husband that July 13-21 will be wizard week in our house and we will all be dressing as our favorite Harry Potter characters.

Although if CPT Dick wanted dress us like Equus' Daniel Radcliffe with a horse, I wouldn't exactly say no.

So where's a photo of him in make-up?

Many of my fellow Mommies are totally freaked out about the story of Casey Price, aka Neil H. Rodreick II, the 29-year-old man who tried to enroll in an Arizona school as a 7th grader.

But me, I'll admit. I morbidly want to see a photo of him as a 12 year old. And I also want to know what kind of make-up he was using that managed to make him look so many years younger. And I doubt I'm alone. Every woman past the age of 30 is probably wondering.

Secrets and Lies.

Right now, our unit is in the midst of a lot of changes. And they are changes that I can't talk about, that the higher-ups would prefer kept secret.

Unfortunately, if there is one thing that cannot be done in any place that incorporates stairwell housing, it is keep a secret. And with many spouses working for agencies on post, everyone knows at least part of the secret. The rest of it they are just sort of making up as they go along.

So I'm torn. I do understand why, in theory, the secret should be kept and I want to do the right thing by the unit. But on the other side of the coin, I also believe that families are more sophisticated than the Army often makes them out to be and that we are doing them a disservice by not being completely honest. Not to mention also screwing ourselves since the rumor mill is making this secret 100x more insane than it actually is, which will mean more work later.

And what I guess is really bothering me, I feel dishonest. I am asked questions about these changes all the time but I can only give them the party line. The higher-ups are afraid I'm going to say something more than I should because of my style. The families in my FRG think I'm not telling them everything. Both are probably right and it will be my own credibility that is shot to hell.

It's going to be a really interesting next few weeks.

Is it a bummer that your pubes are all gray?

So wrong. But so funny.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Like my Grandma wasn't already afraid to leave the house.

What people thought were bombs turned out just to be light displays giving people the finger (and somehow advertising Adult Swim -- though I'll admit I'm not quite sophisticated enough to understand that part). I wonder if people will tune in to this silly show just to see what was worth all the fuss.

Avoiding the dark side.

"Baby, why is there a lightsaber in the dish rack?"

"You say that as if there were something weird about that."

"No, I'm just morbidly curious why it's there. Did a Storm Trooper get loose in the kitchen? I don't see anything to suggest that. Nor do I see any telltale sign of that practice-sphere-whatchamacallit, so I guess you weren't doing drills. Perhaps you just needed the Force to give you strength enough to clean the kitchen last night?"

"And what if I did?"

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Some science I can get behind.

French Health Minister Seeks Nap Study.

I'm a big believer in the power of naps. And in my son taking them regularly.

Got a secret?

Check out and send in a postcard to:

13345 Copper Ridge Road
Germantown, Maryland USA

Details of the project are in an interesting article that's up on CNN entitled The Secrets People Reveal.

On negotiation.

"Oh, shoot. I forgot to pick up my uniforms at the dry cleaner."

Unable to ignore his pleading look, I reply, "And?"

"Well, I just thought that maybe...I dunno, if you wanted to..."

"Are you suggesting that I should go pick up your forgotten dry cleaning tomorrow? That I should rearrange my day to drive half and hour to the stupid dry cleaning place that you insist on using even though there are several closer that do just as fine a job? That I should drive all the way out there even though it's only a few minutes from post where you'll be all day long? And that I should then have to wrestle those friggin' uniforms into the car as I chase your son all over the parking lot because he now thinks running into traffic is fun? Is that what you are asking? That I should endure all this just because you, and I quote, forgot and can't be bothered to remember tomorrow?"

"Thanks, babe. That's real sweet of you to offer. Now get me a beer."

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Taking over.

It's that time again. Time to deal with a seriously cranky, teething child and have no one to pass him off to at the end of the day. Time to see battle rattle distributed and then unceremoniously left all over the house. Time for phone calls of complaint from wives who think a 6 week stint in the field is cause for alarm.

Yes, it is time for CPT Dick to leave again. He'll be heading out for a 6-8 week exercise at the end of the week.

In some ways, I have to admit it, I'm kind of ready for him to go. I have some stuff I want to do while he's away, stuff that I would never be able to do while he's here because (a) he's a one-man wrecking ball and (b) he has developed an annoying tendency to spend evenings leaning over my shoulder going, "What you doing? Huh? What you doing?" And he's serious.

So for me, it won't be so bad. But for the Munchkin? I don't know. So far, there has been fairly little repercussion involved with his father's absences. But lately, he definitely prefers his Daddy as he is wild and fun and I no longer offer boobies full of milk. So I'm wondering if this trip will be the first one where my son misses his Daddy and actually realizes it. And then, I'm wondering how I'm going to handle that. Right now I'm guessing it will involve a lot of candy, Elmo and perhaps a shot of whiskey before bed (I'm not saying for who either).

Luckily (for him, not me), my in-laws will be here for a week. I'm sure that will distract him some given that there is no question of them implementing the candy/soda/Elmo/whiskey plan, the lushes.

All I know for sure is that it's all going to get very interesting.

My new favorite website.

Things My Boyfriend Says.

Some chick notes all the funny stuff her boyfriend says and blogs it. I know it sounds kind of lame but this guy has some serious pearls. My current favorite:

About crazy chicks.
"Yeah, crazy girls are the best in bed. They're also the most likely to bite off your weiner."

And just like that, it's gone.

A few days ago, I wrote about the Paris Exposed website. Well, folks, it's down. So if you didn't get on there to check out photos of Paris' coochie-pop, her drug antics or even more sex tapes, well, no more one-stop shopping for you, my friend! You'll have to get on Google and search your damn self.

Monday, January 29, 2007

And then the fairies will drop from the sky and we'll all dance around Lollipop Land.

The military is apparently looking at how they can "minimize" the use of stop losses. And all the while they are fighting the Global War on Terror, growing the military, completing the Army's reorganization, promoting homesteading, giving soldiers 2 years at home in between deployments, reducing extended tours and providing new incentives for deployed and re-upped soldiers.

I want to know what the hell they are smoking over there at the DoD. And then I want to know why the hell they aren't sharing it with the soldiers and their families. Lord knows we could use the distraction of a few hallucinations while they are also busy blowing smoke up our asses.


My favorite quote of the week, Dick Cheney's response to a question about personal criticism:

"Well, I'm vice president and they're not."

To read the entire interview, you can see the transcript of The Man Without Doubt here.

How many times?!

Yesterday, I cleaned the house a bit. I spent most of my time thoroughly cleaning the kitchen as it got quite a work-out this past week. I scrubbed, I scoured and yes, I mopped.

I mopped, as it turns out, 6 times.

Not all at once. I did it the first time when I cleaned the rest of the kitchen. And when I put down my mop, I felt the satisfaction of having created myself a lovely and pristine kitchen.

And then my husband decided it was time to make a fried egg sandwich and drop the plate with the goopy eggs on the floor.

So I mopped again. And still felt pretty good. Mostly because I knew my husband wouldn't need to return to my clean kitchen for at least an hour or two.

But then Munchkin decided that he should pour himself a class of juice. I'm not sure where he was aiming -- and in fairness, the juice bottle is quite heavy -- but there was only a quarter inch in his cup and a full inch flooding the kitchen floor.

So I mopped again.

Then the landlord stopped by to check the pipes and tracked mud all over the living room and kitchen.

So I mopped again, this time getting to add the pleasure of also mopping the living room. Yeah, me!

Then it was time for CPT Dick to return to the kitchen. He needed a beer and forgot to mind the overspray. I was beginning to wonder if I should just attach some mopping cloths to the bottom of my slippers AND NEVER TAKE THEM OFF.

But that wouldn't help with chunks, now would it?

And to test it, my son created the mopping piece de resistance -- he returned and decided that creating a white grape wading pool was not good enough. Oh, no. After all, where's the challenge in that? So, after gorging himself on potato chips (that his father gave him against my wishes), he spewed all over. On the floor, on the cabinets, under the fridge. He even managed to get some puke on the mop itself.

So -- you guessed it -- I mopped again. After spending an inordinate amount of time wiping up little bits of potato chippy goodness so I could mop.

Talk about an exercise in futility! No wonder my house looks like a train ran through it most days. As soon as I get something clean, I have a two man demolition team to make sure it doesn't remain that way for very long.

Neil Young had it all wrong. A man doesn't need a maid. A woman does.

Unless I'm the maid and just proved his point. And that's just too depressing to consider.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

On seeing the trailer for the new movie, "Shooter."

"Looks kind of interesting."

"It's one of those movies that will either be very good or very bad. I'd probably see it because Mark Wahlberg is in it. He usually picks pretty good movies."

"He just got nominated for an Oscar."


"Yep. Best Supporting Actor for that Scorcese film."

"Holy crap. Wonder what the Funky Bunch thinks about that."
Dramatic pause as my husband ponders this news.
"What kind of world are we living in when Marky Mark is at the top of the acting game?"

"I don't know. What kind of world are we living in when you say you'd see a film just because Marky Mark's in it?"

Another interesting editorial.

An interesting op-ed is up on the NYTimes about the alleged militarization of the citizens of the United States. I found some of the historical allusions a bit tenuous (and disclaimer: As I read this to CPT Dick, he kept interrupting me to tell me that it was bullshit), but the whole thing about the Marine salutes got me. If Eisenhower, a decorated General, would not receive a salute once he became President, why does Bush deserve it? Is this something that should continue?

So how about it, folks? Do you think that the term "commander in chief" has been taken too far and used against us?