Saturday, May 10, 2008

Overheard at the BX today.

"I wish they made chewing gum for vaginas."

(My mind is still swirling this one. Did she have that not-so-fresh feeling? Was she looking for assistance with her kegels? Was she looking for some kind of fixer to keep intruders out? Or something infinitely more sinister? Honestly, it was all I could do not to go up and ask her what the hell she meant by that).

Is it wrong...

...that when I read that the Duggars are going to have another frickin' baby, #18 at that, all I can think of is that early scene in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life? You know, the whole Miracle of Birth segment?

[Inside the house. A pregnant woman is at the sink. With a cry, a new-born baby, complete with umbilical cord, drops from between her legs onto the floor.]
Mother: Get that would you, Deirdre...

Girl: All right, Mum.

[The girl takes the baby. Mum carries on.]

Just call me mother of the millenium!

"Will Munchkin eat this?"

"Eh, we'll give him a little but maybe just grab a hot dog from the fridge and nuke it up for him, just in case. They are in the crisper drawer."

"Uh, NEE, these hot dogs are expired."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"They are expired. And the expiration date is January 08."

"Hot dogs can expire?"

"Uh, yes."


Friday, May 09, 2008

One month down.

A little over one month actually since CPT Dick deployed. But 14 to go.

And I have to say, the first month flew by fairly quickly. You must understand, things leading up to the deployment were absolutely crazy. We had so many events and ceremonies and briefings and other random mandatory fun events. I needed a rest. And I tend to spend the first few weeks after CPT Dick leaves for anything cleaning the house and getting it back into order. So that kills a good two weeks right there. And the boy has had all kinds of activities and play dates, so that helped, too. And many of my editors have taken pity on me and showered me with work. Also a good way to make the nights pass faster.

But now, we're coming to a lull. It's as if I'm finally realizing that he's gone and he won't be back for a while. And you know, it's those moments that it hits me, that I'm not going 110 mph, that are the hardest to bear.

You want your soldier to have a cel phone? Really?!

One of the biggest demands that families had before our unit deployed was that their husbands be able to take their mobile telephones with them. I thought this a terrible idea for a variety of reasons. One, you can be tracked with a mobile phone on a network. Two, if you ring your soldier at the wrong time and his phone is on, there goes any chance of hiding. And three, well, chances are, even with that phone, you aren't going to talk to him any more often than you would anyway. At least, if the soldier is doing his job and not putting his comrades in danger.

But I must admit, when I made arguments against bringing mobile phones to Iraq, I never thought of the accidental pocket-dial. And as a soldier named Stephen Phillips just found out, those kind of accidental pocket dials can happen at the wrong time.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Nothing like that first drunk phone call in the middle of the night.

As FRG leader, you are prepared for calls. You are. You know that people are going to call to complain about X, bitch about Y and cry some about Z.

But no matter how much experience or training you have, that first sobbing phone calls that comes in the wee hours still catches you off-guard.

I've now had mine. She had gone out to the bars. He called while she was out. She came home drunk to a sad message from her husband saying that he couldn't get her on her mobile either and that he wasn't sure when he'd get to a phone again.

So she called me crying. And ready to tell me all about it.

While I can certainly relate -- I've missed more than a few calls from CPT Dick during all of our deployments for one stupid reason or another -- I'm not sure why she felt it merited a call to her FRG leader at 2:00am. But she did. It's the FRG equivalent of drunk dialing. And like the other forms of that particular disease, it is almost impossible to get those people off the phone.

Hopefully, I'll be better prepared next weekend.

Holy Mother of God.

So, I'll be honest. For the most part, I've never been one to pay attention to food prices. While many of my friends, shop circular sales, clip coupons and buy milk at one store and produce at another, I've sort of always just bought what I needed when I needed it. And who notices individual changes in price when you are always buying a cart load? I've read all of the articles about food price inflation but have never really connected personally.

But today, I went to get Munchkin some fruit. He had a craving for peaches. Sure, it's early in the season. But I saw that there were some good ones at the commissary. They were small, sure, and could use some ripening up, but a few days in the sun and they'd be a tasty treat. I put 6 of them in a bag and made my way to the cashier.

Imagine my surprise when she rang me up and said, "That'll be $8.13, please."

Over 8 bucks. For 6 peaches. Hot damn.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Ariana Huffington is kind of hot, now that I think about it.

In response to People's Beautiful People list, Mollygood has come out with its own list of Beautiful Women.

It's kind of rad. Because, the Mollygood editors are right. Each year, that Beautiful People list just puts more and more young, cut up girls on those pages. And it got me thinking more about what I think is beautiful.

NEE's Top 10 Beautiful Women List, in no particular order:

  1. Padma Lakshmi
  2. Sophia Loren
  3. Drew Barrymore
  4. Gina Torres
  5. Darryl Hannah
  6. Isabella Rossellini
  7. Michelle Trachtenberg
  8. Debra Winger
  9. Elizabeth Gilbert
  10. Ellen Page
What are your picks?

A confession.

Okay, so when someone talks about what they saw on Oprah, I may roll my eyes. And then I may say that although I appreciate her getting to read books again and attempting some philanthropic works, I just don't get it.

But the truth is, I don't not watch Oprah because I'm so holier-than-thou. No. I don't watch Oprah because that stupid woman makes me cry way too often. Even when she has the Sex and the City girls on. So there. I said it.