Saturday, June 14, 2008

I can't quite get my head around this.

I know I'm a day or two late with this. But not guilty? Seriously?

R. Kelly acquitted on all child porn counts

No need to be concerned.

I've just been busy. This whole FRG thing is bleeding me dry -- we have a lot of young wives on their first deployment who just don't know how to cope outside of getting themselves drunk, laid or arrested -- and I am still trying to figure out how to find the best balance. Add to that some new work, a toddler with enough energy to power a small metropolis and a family visit and you have no time to blog.

Forgive me.

What have you been up to?

A good reminder.

"Despair wasn't a guest, you didn't play its favorite music, find it a comfortable chair. Despair was the enemy."

-Janet Fitch

Update on the Stage 5 clinger.

So I talked about S., my stage 5 clinger. Here's the update.

I tried to do the right thing. I explained that I could not help her. I put her in touch with her POC. I gave her the numbers for the military family life consultants and the chaplain. But the calls continued.

I finally lost my cool with her -- which was wrong, I admit -- but it did stop the calls. At least it has for the past week. Unfortunately, it has not stopped the drama as, in my absence, she's started calling everyone else.

It's going to be a long deployment. *sigh*

Sisterhood of the traveling porn.

About 10 years ago, I worked at a start-up with a group of really cool, really fun women. Though the company did not last long, our friendship has managed to last. Those long working hours and all that creative passion has created a very strong connection between us all, even now that life and love have scattered us to the winds.

Back then, we were all young and single. But when the first of us fell and accepted a proposal of marriage, we did the only thing we could think of to celebrate the milestone. We headed to the local sex shop to buy the nastiest, dirtiest porno movie we could find to give to her at her bridal shower.

I remember specifically being the one, full of some liquid courage, asking the balding, creepy store clerk for the "grossest, most out there" video they had. I should have known that the bar was set pretty high when he had trouble deciding.

Anyway, we bought the video -- I think it was called Bukkake Twins or something like that -- and laughed our asses off when K. opened it up in between crockpots and 250 thread count sheet sets.

But K. had the last laugh. When the next of us succombed to marriage, H., guess what she received at her shower?

And since then, every momentous occasion -- weddings, babies, promotions, a divorce, the decision to leave a job to travel for 6 months -- has been celebrated with the gift that keeps on giving -- nasty porn.

So I should have known when I received an unexpected package from S. that there were shenanigans afoot. But I was so busy entertaining my family, who had been staying for a few weeks, that it didn't even occur to me to be suspicious. Instead, I said, "Oh! How awesome!", touched by the unexpected gift, and then handed the package to my mother to open, as Munchkin was running amok.

"Here's to a Busy and Satisfying Deployment!" the card read, covering a DVD with a gaping vagina and erect penis on the cover.

I don't think my mother will ever recover.