Typhoid daycare.

Last night, I spent some quality time with my son, allowing him to both ralph and poop on me at the same time in the wee hours of the morning. I'd like to say that it's some sort of mother/son bonding ritual, but no, it's the stomach flu, oh joy of joys, and my son picked it up at daycare. And I knew the precise second that he did, too.

Last week, one of the children in his classroom had a birthday. On those days, parents are invited to lunch for a birthday party with non-peanut, non-chocolate, non-sugar, non-icing cake (really -- and it's as good as it sounds). Across the table was a little guy who looked like he had a serious hangover. In fact, I would have made a joke about how he shouldn't have hit the Jager quite so hard, you know, if he wasn't, like, two.

But this kid had big old bags under his eyes and a really flushed face. And after he shoved his face with a fistful of that not-creamy, not-tasty, very-unlike-cake goodness, he immediately upchucked it all over the table. He was practiced enough in the art by this time that he didn't get any on himself. I was impressed.

The teacher apologized as she cleaned up and said that B. just wasn't feeling so hot and then, under her breath, with a voice of pure evil, added that his mother couldn't be bothered to come get him. And then, after lunch, poor, little sick B., or Typhoid B. as I like to call him, picked up a ball and put it in his mouth. And after he was done making sure his contagion was fully spread on the object, he handed it to my son. It was all I could do to not spray them both with bleach.

So now Munchkin is running out of both ends. And remarkably, for having no sleep and having no absorbtion of any nutrients, he's pretty damn spry, wanting to torture Mama with the run-around-the-dining-room-table game. But you know, in my own exhaustion, I'm finding it kind of fun.

But that's because I've started a pool with myself -- without Munchkin's knowledge -- on how long he can run before the exertion causes his diaper to explode. Right now, odds are in my favor that we'll have leakage on or before the half hour.