I have a good friend over here in Germany. She's been stationed around the same places as us since the states. Her husband has decided to switch MOS' and they've been waiting, for what seems like forever, for their new orders so he can go to school back CONUS.
They found out last week that they have a report date of May 15. May 15?! I mean, I knew they'd get these orders eventually but I thought it would be end of summer, early fall at the earliest. The Army, against all odds, has moved faster than the speed of light on this one.
She's so happy about this. She's ready to go back and ready for her husband to try something new. And I mean, deep down I'm sure I'm thrilled that her family is getting what they want and that the Army is treating them right. But I don't want her to go. Not only am I going to lose my friend, but I am also going to lose her teenage daughter, who is Munchkin's favorite babysitter.
I think most of us face deployments with as much of a happy face as we can. We think, it won't be so bad because I can pay off the car, I will finish my dissertation, I can get my kid potty-trained, I have my Mom nearby, I have a reliable babysitter who my kid loves, and I get by with a little help from my friends. You know the drill. So to know that two things I was counting on to help me through -- which is stupid, since they are also military -- are gone is a blow.
I feel so frickin' selfish right now. I'm trying to be really happy for her but all I hear is this nebby little voice in my ear saying, "Do you know how much harder this deployment is going to be without your friend or your babysitter? DO YOU?!"
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5 comments:
Big hugs. Hey, don't forget your online friends will be here to support you as much as you'd like. :D
Oh, try not to be so hard on yourself about your feelings....cause you know, I'd feel pretty much the same way....deployments suck and being in Germany makes them harder and easier depending on your situation, so when you remove one of your sure things that you count on, it's not so easily replaced when overseas.....and then you try to be happy for them, but it's tainted by your pain over losing them and a little bit of envy......all natural....cause I have been there too.....no amount of virtual hugs can help, but I am sorry that you are going through this...it's one of those things I use the "unfair" word on, but it's just part of this life.
~ASW
I'm not sure this is selfish *hug* Maybe more like self-preservation.
Hoping you are doing ok these days.
no you aren't selfish. Just knowing that your planning has gone awry and that you are going to have to rethink. Besides - sometimes you get to BE selfish! really!!
LAW
I am happy for your friend at them same time sad for you losing your friend.
You are allowed to be selfish and pissy but only for a while. The happy face is only for others watching you as your insides tumble around like a washing machine on the spin cycle.
Love that little child of yours. Your gift from God, a piece of CPT Dick. I think I can understand your angst (I love that word).
JL
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