A confession.

Okay, so when someone talks about what they saw on Oprah, I may roll my eyes. And then I may say that although I appreciate her getting to read books again and attempting some philanthropic works, I just don't get it.

But the truth is, I don't not watch Oprah because I'm so holier-than-thou. No. I don't watch Oprah because that stupid woman makes me cry way too often. Even when she has the Sex and the City girls on. So there. I said it.

Interesting.

Apparently, I'm not the only one who is concerned about the rising Evangelical element in the Army.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/04/26/atheist.soldier.ap/index.html

I'm curious as to what you all think of this lawsuit. Has it any merit? And does anyone else giggle a bit when they realize that it appears there is at least one atheist -- even in a foxhole?

Army Family Covenant, my ass.

Much ado was made of the Army Family Covenant when it was signed earlier this year. It would improve our facilities, our healthcare, our childcare, blah blah blah. And I think when it was signed -- and of course, splashed all over the headlines -- I thought it was a little too good to be true.

And for us, it is.

Not even two weeks after our husbands deployed, our Child and Youth Services decided to discontinue several much-desired and well-utilized childcare programs. Never mind that it promised that it wouldn't cut anything in all of the briefings before the guys left. Never mind that they signed the Covenant and told us that wouldn't allow them to cut programs. They did it anyway. And are actually using the Covenant to justify these cuts, saying that it's the only way they can provide the free childcare hours they promised. Worse, because of that, it appears that there may be no recourse.

It's times like these I'm so fucking proud to be an American.

Question for the ages.

Of all the things that dog paws could smell like, why is it that they so often have an odor that resembles Fritos?

So everyone keeps asking what I'm reading.

And since I've been slacking, I thought I'd ask my friend, Allison Winn Scotch what she looks for in a book and for some recommendations for me (and y'all, too!).

Allison is the author of The Department of Lost and Found (out now in paperback!) and the about-to-be-released Time of My Life (Random House, October 2008). She also frequently writes for magazines like American Baby, Self, Shape and Women's Health. I read and loved The Department of Lost and Found and can't wait for her new book.

NEE: What makes for a good book?

Allison: Well, my criteria is fairly obvious: I want something that is intellectually engaging, sharply written but still highly readable. I put down A LOT of books because I find the writing too simplistic or the action too slow. Which isn’t to say that there isn’t a market out there for those easier reads or those more literary reads – there is, but I’m just not part of that market. I really enjoy writers who can move their plots along quickly (I’m a mother to two young kids, so it’s not as if I have hours and hours to linger over a book), but still find a way to make their prose lyrical.

NEE: What are you reading now?

Allison: I just finished the Ten-Year Nap, which explored some fascinating issues – the staleness of marriage, the ambivalence of motherhood, the difficulties of working moms – but it was a tad too literary for my tastes. Not that it wasn’t stunningly written, it was – it was just a little bit of a slower read for me, and as I said above, I’m all about quick, quick, quick! If I really love a book, I’ll devour it in three days. Up next for me is my good friend, Laura Dave’s, The Divorce Party. Laura is the author of the fabulous London is the Best City in America, and not only is she one of the warmest, kindest, most generous friends, she’s an amazing writer, so I’m really excited to dig into her new release.

NEE: What do you consider your top 5 books of all time?

Allison: Oh geez! An impossible question. Well, “of all-time” might be a bit of stretch, but here are five books that I hold in very high esteem, in terms of books and authors who have influenced my writing and to whom it would be an honor to be compared.

1) The Dive From Clausen’s Pier by Ann Packer. This book was completely absorbing, haunting and made you wonder how you would react should the book’s situations (in which a young woman’s fiancé is paralyzed) happen to you.

2) My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult. Picoult is such a prolific writer, but for me, this was her best work that I’ve read. I think I tore through it in less than 24 hours.

3) Good Grief by Lolly Winston. The Department was frequently compared to Good Grief, and I took that as the highest compliment. An engaging, warm, moving story of a woman who lost her husband but who discovers that there is still a lot to be found in the world as she rebuilds her life.

4) Then We Came to The End by Joshua Ferris. Written in the second-person, this book was complete and total genius. A book I never could have written, even on my best day, and as a fan of The Office, I laughed as much as I marveled over Ferris’s writing.

5) Barefoot by Elin Hilderbrand. Another one that I counted down the hours until I could pick it back up. The story of one summer on Nantucket, where three women dealt with breast cancer, lost love, infidelity, new love, pregnancy and infertility. I loved everything about this book.

NEE: How do you come up with the story lines for your books?

Allison: Really, I’m struck with lightening bolts! I’ve tried to write books in the past in which I really didn’t have a strong vision, and no surprise!, the books ended up being meandering pieces of crap! With the Department, I was mourning the loss of someone close to me from cancer, when I literally woke up one day with the idea of this young woman who is diagnosed with cancer and who discovers that the life she’s been living might not have been the one she should have been living all along. The idea for Time of My Life came about after having one of those “what if” chats with my best friend…she was visiting the hometown of an ex-boyfriend, and she called me to say how weirded out she was by it. I, of course, understood exactly what she meant because, like every woman I know, I’ve entertained those “what ifs.” After we hung up, I went for a run, and voila, was struck with the idea of a discontented woman who wakes up one day seven years in the past and has the chance to redo her life, this time, without mistakes. I came home and wrote what are now the first 15 pages. But once I have that initial idea, I really let my characters take me where they want to go. I’m not a writer who outlines everything in advance…I usually know where the characters will end up in the last chapter, but it’s an adventure for all of us getting there!

NEE: Tell us more about your books.

Allison: The Department is about a headstrong, ambitious young woman who is diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer. Before you cringe in horror, I should say that a) the book is very funny!, and b) the cancer is really just a catalyst for her discovering her own path, her own way and really, the life that she should have been living. What I love more than anything is when people tell me that they didn’t see this as a “cancer” book, rather a relatable story about a woman who is coming of age and coming into her own. In doing so, she retraces her past, tracking down the five loves of her life, and tries to assess if she went off-track and if so, how she can claw her way back. Natalie, my protagonist, could be any one of us because certainly, in all of our lives, cancer or not, we’ve had to muddle through the muck and point ourselves upward.

Time of My Life touches on similar themes, I guess. As I mentioned above, it’s about a 35-year old who seemingly has it all: the five-bedroom house, the cherubic toddler, the handsome husband, but who waddles around in her own “what ifs.” After an ethereal massage, she wakes up one day to find herself in her old apartment, with her old boyfriend, with her old job and her old life, and now, with perfect hindsight, she can set about rebuilding a new life and discover if it was the one she should have been living all along. It was SO much fun to write, and geez, I only hope that people realize that it’s fiction and not an autobiography! J I’ve already given my husband a lot of credit for laughing when he heard the plot line and only making a few jokes about whether or not this was my own private fantasy!

Oh God, I'm selfish.

I have a good friend over here in Germany. She's been stationed around the same places as us since the states. Her husband has decided to switch MOS' and they've been waiting, for what seems like forever, for their new orders so he can go to school back CONUS.

They found out last week that they have a report date of May 15. May 15?! I mean, I knew they'd get these orders eventually but I thought it would be end of summer, early fall at the earliest. The Army, against all odds, has moved faster than the speed of light on this one.

She's so happy about this. She's ready to go back and ready for her husband to try something new. And I mean, deep down I'm sure I'm thrilled that her family is getting what they want and that the Army is treating them right. But I don't want her to go. Not only am I going to lose my friend, but I am also going to lose her teenage daughter, who is Munchkin's favorite babysitter.

I think most of us face deployments with as much of a happy face as we can. We think, it won't be so bad because I can pay off the car, I will finish my dissertation, I can get my kid potty-trained, I have my Mom nearby, I have a reliable babysitter who my kid loves, and I get by with a little help from my friends. You know the drill. So to know that two things I was counting on to help me through -- which is stupid, since they are also military -- are gone is a blow.

I feel so frickin' selfish right now. I'm trying to be really happy for her but all I hear is this nebby little voice in my ear saying, "Do you know how much harder this deployment is going to be without your friend or your babysitter? DO YOU?!"

I promised myself I wouldn't cry when he left.

The last time CPT Dick deployed, we were freshly married. There was no big deployment ceremony, no to-dos or Navy style goodbyes. He was going to join a unit that had already deployed. So I just drove him to the airport.

We had decided the night before that I would just drop him off curbside. It was less than a year after 9/11 and the airports were still crazy. And we thought it would be easier. We'd say our goodbyes at home (complete with some hot monkey sex) and then I'd just let him out at the terminal. No prolonged affair. No mess. I wouldn't even turn off the ignition or undo my seatbelt.

I remember that as he walked away from the car, my heart seized up a bit. I stayed parked illegally until I could no longer see his huge green rucksack walking away from me and then started for home. I only made it half a mile before the enormity of what had just happened descended upon me and I had to pull over for a good cry.

This time, there was all kinds of hurray and hoopla. And you know, it was so drawn out, starting so many weeks before CPT Dick actually had to go, it didn't feel real. I just felt annoying. And so when the time came for him to actually go, we once again stuck to a plan. After all, this time, we had a three-year-old to consider. I figured after all the pomp and circumstance, there's no way I'd be hit as hard. So, the plan was that we'd say our goodbyes at home and then I would drop him off at formation when it was time.

But this time, the tears started as soon as we drove on post. I wasn't sobbing or hysterical but my body was definitely telling me that it knew damn well what lay ahead.

Godspeed, CPT Dick.

Teenage angst come early.

I've been volunteering now and again at our local elementary school. The fourth grade teacher is one of the ladies in our FRG and asked me to come in and talk about writing. So I did and come back every now and again to talk about the craft.

The class' last unit was poetry. Since its elementary school, of course, the theme was spring. The beauty and wonderment of spring. Blech. Poor kids. It's a terrible topic. But I understand why the teacher picked it. I mean, it's not like you can ask your average 10 year old to go Brodski on you. Or can you?

For his assignment, one of the students turned in this ode to spring:

Flowers, I want to burn them all.

Spring is boring.
Laying in the grass
will get bugs on you.

Spring is ugly.
Fresh air makes me
want to barf.

It continues on in the same vein for a few more stanzas. And you know? After reading page after page about beautiful flowers, I thought this one was awesome.

Safety first.

"Why are you so tired?"

"I just didn't really get much sleep. It really bothered me that the hotel room didn't have a second lock on the door."

"You're kidding me."

"No, I'm not. Hotel doors should have second locks."

"That is ridiculous. You cannot for a minute tell me you were actually worried someone was going to break in."

"No, you idiot. I was worried that our son might wake up before us and try to break out."

"And go to the front desk..."

"...to get that candy he loves."

"Shit. I hadn't considered that. And I'm glad I didn't, otherwise I wouldn't have slept well either."

It was the best of signs, it was the worst of signs.

A few weeks ago, we went to Rome for the weekend. As we walked from the hotel down to the Forum area of the city, the Colosseum appeared to guide us. After most of it was visible, my son stopped, looked up and said, "Ooooooooooh, wow!"

CPT Dick and I both smiled. Because you know, the Colosseum is awesome, but it takes a pretty hip kid to get it in toddlerhood. So my husband bent down to explain what it might have looked like half a millenium ago and what the building was used for. We were going to take hold of this yoke of interest and ride it into a Rhodes scholarship in history.

But as my husband talked, my son just looked perplexed. And after a moment, my son looked up at his Dad, smiled, and said, "No, no. Little Einsteins."

And that's how I knew that my son spent most of our trip not oooh-ing and aaaah-ing over the ruins of Rome but waiting for Rocket to show up.