Just when I was beginning to feel bad about referring to them as "developmental nazis."

Apparently, Munchkin is an enigma. Since he lagged behind his peers speechwise, he's been incorrectly diagnosed as the following:

• Motor and muscle-control impaired.
• Autistic.
• Brain-damaged.
• Autistic again.
• Hearing impaired.
• Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
• And, maybe the third time is the charm -- autistic!

And today, the itinerant consultant who can only visit my son once a month has decided instead that he suffers from sensory processing disorder. This, of course, after a first visit of only 20 minutes.

Only one problem -- I keep looking at this checklist and he doesn't have a cluster of any of these symptoms. She based this on his love of climbing. But he hates to be upside-down and gets dizzy when he spins while dancing. And frankly, looking at some of the other items on the "hyposensitivity to movement" list, I have to wonder if it isn't just a list of descriptions for toddler boys in general. I mean, have you seen the kind of physical feats a three-year-old can master when he thinks his Mom ain't looking? I've experienced it firsthand and let me tell you, it is not for the faint of heart.

I don't want to be the Mom whose kid's diagnosis has been staring her in the face all along but she refused to see it -- whether out of vanity or fear of the long-term consequences for her child. I really don't. But I see nothing that indicates that he is autistic or has attention problems. We've had the medical tests to rule out hearing impairment and brain damage. So that really just leaves the language delay. Why can't get I get a diagnosis for that? I mean, apraxia, articulation disorders, auditory processing disorder, dysfluency -- it isn't as if there aren't a whole host to choose from. I keep being told that early intervention is key. But how can I know the best way to intervene if I don't know the problem? What am I missing here?

(I could go on about how fucking difficult it is to actually find a qualified speech-language pathologist to evaluate him. The Army has commandeered all area SLPs to help soldiers with brain injuries. And while I certainly don't begrudge the soldiers all the help they can get, I find it hard to believe that one -- just one! -- can't schedule us in for an hour to help make some sense of all of this).