One of my FRG-related duties today was to pick up baked goods and then drop them off at a bake sale site. When I stopped to pick up some chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing and sprinkles (*drool*), the donater said, "These last two won't fit in the container. Do you want them? They're good!"
And the devil appeared on my right shoulder and screamed, "Hell, yes! Look at the size of my post-baby ass! Do you even need to ask me if I want these cupcakes? Do you even need to say they're good? Gimme, gimme, gimme NOW!"
But the angel appeared over left and reminded me, "You said you were going to stop stress eating this week. You've done so well the past two days. Do you really want to ruin your progress now?"
And so, somehow, someway, I found the strength to decline those two cupcakes and said instead, "Oh, they are just going to put out the baked goods anyway. I'll just take them on top of the container and they can put them out first."
On the way to the motor pool, a car pulled out in front of me and I had to break hard. And, of course, those two cupcakes fell -- one to the floor and the other on to my seat. Once I pulled up to the drop-off point, I threw them in the dumpster. And perhaps I shed a tear or two over the waste of it all. After all, is there anything sadder than cupcakes thrown in the garbage for no real good reason?
But then?
Well, I went to the library. I had a little time to kill before the bake sale started and wanted to see if they had a book someone recommended. And as I perused the shelves, a woman tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, I didn't know if I should say anything but you have something brown all over your jeans."
Wouldn't you know I had sat in icing that had smeared on my seat somewhere between when the cupcakes fell and when I tossed them in the trash. That brown, chocolaty goodness was now all over my left ass cheek, with daubs moving in the direction of my crotch. Nice. I had to go home and change.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Never decline offered cupcakes. Your ass will be punished just because the cupcakes exist.
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3 comments:
I think you get extra points for this one, though. . . . I am seriously impressed at the degree of commitment-to-goal going on here. Way to go! [but I do agree: what a waste. . . . bummer.
HA!
My sweetheart had his own issues this week with cupcakes and his pants. Except because they were red velvet (the cupcakes, not his pants), his classmates merely thought he was bleeding, not soiling himself. I should tell him he got off easy.
LMAO! *snort*
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